What am I waiting for?

That one true thing
enduring
real
inescapable
something worth fighting for
perfect in its imperfection

Second chances?

Do we get second chances at love?

As a love optimist I want to believe that this is possible. That as they say, there will be a second chance for people who are "meant to be together."

Well before there can even be a second chance with a good chance of success for a couple, I think a few things need to happen:

Sufficient time needs to have passed so that each person has completely let go of the relationship and any hopes or expectations attached to the relationship. And, that in that time each person has to have been able to work on him/herself- understanding and dealing with his/her own issues, and focusing on improving him/herself. I think that the odds would also be better if the first split was relatively amicable i.e. there were no lingering misunderstandings or hurt feelings. And of course, hopefully both sides would be ready and want the same things in the relationship the second time around.

Love Optimist

I guess I'm what you could call a "love optimist." I really, truly want to believe that if there is love, real love, that you can overcome everything, but as the saying goes... it takes two to tango. And there are so many things that go into a successful love equation- having the same priorities, ambition, values, lifestyle, goals, the right timing.

What happens if having love, being in love with each other was just not enough? If you love each other, but... compromises that must be made can't happen immediately, if one of the partners has issues that require a tremendous amount of work to work through , if a person knows that he/she is loved, but doesn't feel loved in the way her or she would like to be by the other...

When this happens it is always difficult and perplexing. You love each other but...

In my younger days, I was so idealistic about love, believing that if I loved someone enough and was committed enough to making it work, working through things- that it could work. Question is, is the situation _really_ a workable situation and is the other person just as committed, willing and/or able to do his part?

Know When To Quit

I've been thinking about this article that I recently read about knowing when to quit. The author gives some compelling reasons and benefits to being a quitter.

The article starts off:

Want to be one of life's winners? Stop trying! You'll be a lot healthier, maybe wealthier, and altogether happier.

And continues by stating:

Recently, psychologists Gregory Miller and Carsten Wrosch set out to investigate the mental and physical health of people who resist quitting, and of those who throw in the towel when facing unattainable goals. The second group—the quitters—were healthier than their persistent peers on almost every variable. They suffered fewer health problems, from digestive trouble to rashes, and showed fewer signs of psychological stress.

Despite the sensibility in this, I refuse to accept this. I am so NOT a quitter to a fault- with most things in life, especially relationships. And I'm not about to change! I really don't like closing the door. With most things in life, I believe more in keeping things open and even putting something on the back burner if the time is not right, and saving it or waiting for the right time. But with relationships it's a different ballgame. There there are certainly times that one must move on for your own sanity and health. But for me that is not an easy thing to do. I am just wired that way, as one of my friends put it, wired "to go to the ends of the earth and back to make a relationship work."

I took an abridged version of the Myers Briggs test recently, which revealed these very accurate things about my personality:

Tends to stick to things until they are done.
Well-respected for their perseverence in doing the right thing.
Likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful.
Tends to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship.
Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength
and weakness).
Natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective.
Holds a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring.
Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship.

If you're curious about the article I'm referring to, you can read it here in its entirety.

Giving it another go

Why can't you give up and just let it go?

Because when there's love, real love, you know that it is such a precious thing and when you feel that love for someone else and you feel that that other person really does love you, it gives you hope, strength and faith to go on.